By susan fishman orlins
 You don't need an umbrella all the time Dear Susan,
I have a question…with regards to worry….I am always told that it is futile to worry about things you cannot control…and that worrying is like walking around with an umbrella in case it rains….or it’s like sitting in a rocking chair….it will give you something to do, but won’t get you anywhere….this is of course practical advice….but, unfortunately does nothing for me…I worry from the time I wake up until I am asleep at night….you name it, I worry about it….how can I stop the madness of worrying??
Signed,
Worried in Wisconsin
Dear Worried,
I can relate. Here are some ideas for you to try:
Let’s start with the moment you wake up and begin worrying. Change the channel. In other words break the thought by getting up and doing something else. Or, if you have the luxury of remaining in bed, pick up a book, or turn on the TV.
Keep busy. This is the best antidote to worry. If your mind is focused on something that engages you, you will be distracted from worry. Even playing Words With Friends works for me.
Lower expectations. Highly effective people tend not to be perfectionists.
Worry is addictive, plain and simple. It hits the same pleasure center of the brain as alcohol and other addictive substances. If you are able to control your intake of other addictive substances, then you can control worry in the same way now that you know that when you worry you are feeding the urge to worry even more. Each time you catch yourself worrying, remember again to “change the channel,” break the cycle, do something else.
Make a backup list of pleasant or productive things to think about for when you catch yourself worrying. I often turn my thoughts to a blog post or article I’d like to write.
And when going to sleep at night? Use the backup list to distract yourself from worry. One thing I do sometimes to fall asleep is to mentally list my friends.
W in W, thanks for writing in. Here are some posts that might also help:
The back story:
As ideas do, it popped into my head to try a post that reads like an advice column. So I turned to Cathy, my go-to bFf (best Facebook friend), and her awesome peeps, who are willing to chat whenever I ask; for my article, Relationships: Men Speak out About Sex and More, I used several comments from them.
Do you have a Dear Susan question? If so, please submit it in the comments.
My, ahem, expertise? Hm, I’m good at divorce questions–before, during, after. On parenting, I have hindsight. Packing tips for never having to check luggage. General life style stuff: time-savers (e.g. you can cook spaghetti in a small amount of cold water), memory tricks (like how to remember whether or not you already fed the dog), living a non-stressful life despite being a worrywart.
Full discolsure: the true identity of the worried questioner was Mary in Chicago.
Check out some of my Easter and Passover posts:
*27 Awesome Ways To Dye, Decorate And Display Easter Eggs
By susan fishman orlins 
You may already know about my infatuation with Gretchen Rubin, who applies her genius to the study of happiness.
It would take a village for me to accomplish all that Gretchen does. In addition to writing books and a Page-a-Day Calendar, she maintains The Happiness Project blog and manages her Facebook Fan page, where she asks things like what is your favorite number and 213 people reply.
On my Facebook page I ask things like “How do you place toilet paper in the holder? With the paper coming from the top or bottom?” and two people reply.
Gretchen also created The Happiness Project Toolbox with a mind-boggling assortment of tasks to help you become happier: resolutions, group resolutions, one-sentence journal (I tried this one), and secrets of adulthood, to name a few; and then these tools have tools.
“If you wake up feeling yucky . . .” she has a solution. How does she do all this?
Moreover, you can email Gretchen to get all kinds of things, such as Gretchen’s personal Resolutions Chart for inspiration. She has her own YouTube channel! I could go on, but I’ll mention just one more thing, the daily Moment of Happiness email I receive from Gretchen.
Here is today’s:
“Human felicity is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day.”
— Benjamin Franklin
*If you enjoy these emails, please forward one to a friend.
You see that asterisk at the bottom? She knows how to promote herself in a way that makes you admire her. By contrast, at the bottom of each of my blog posts, I clock you in the head with an arms-length list of links to articles I’ve written. At times, I copy Gretchen’s idea of saying “It’s Share With a Friend Day!” imploring my readers to share the link to my blog with friends.
By the way, Gretchen is no lightweight, having been, among other things, Editor-in-Chief of the Yale Law Journal and having clerked on the Supreme Court for Sandra Day O’Connor. She pursues happiness with an intelligence and gusto that must also have led to her success in previous careers.
For Gretchen, every Wednesday is tip day; copycatting, I started having tip days, which occur randomly, when I think of it. Mine of course are worry tips, which are close cousins to happy tips. If you eliminate worry, you’ll be happier, right?
So today I am combining the best of Happiness guru Gretchen Rubin: Tip Day along with a Moment of—in this case—Worry . . .
First a smidge of background. I generally do not wake up feeling yucky. My bedroom has sunlight and my Casey, snoozing in a sprawl beside me, gives me something to smile about. But then, lest I become too jolly, I (sometimes) remind myself of all that could go wrong. (I added “sometimes,” because if I tell you that I always do this,my brain will believe it and become set to do this kind of worry. Worry Tip #1: Avoid brain-setting.) Recently I wrote a piece called Easy Meditation, in which I shared a method I heard about on NPR. The author talked about allowing thoughts to pass through your mind like clouds. So now, when I awake–or any time bad, mad, sad things visit my thoughts–I try to allow them to come and go like passing clouds. (Tip #2)
Two More Worry Tips:
- Take a Moment of Worry each morning and then tell yourself to be done for the day.
- Or, and I may have mentioned this before, make an appointment with yourself to worry later, say at six o’clock in the evening. When the assigned time arrives, you may not feel like worrying at all!
How do you manage your worry?
And now for what Gretchen would call Shameless Self Promotion:
Did I mention that today is Share With a Friend Day (Facebook, Twitter, email, LinkedIn, Pinterest)?
Check out my lastest Home Goes Strong article, Roasted Vegetables.
I had the privilege of interviewing Gretchen, who shared lots of Happiness tips:
*Happy Home, Part 1: How To Be Happier At Home, A Conversation With Happiness Project Expert Gretchen Rubin
*21 Ways To Remember Practically Everything!
*How Couples Resolve The Thermostat Wars & Other Domestic Battles
*Aphrodisiac Foods & 7 Easy, Delicious Recipes To Give Your Libido A Boost
*Brain Food . . . 5 Delicious, Easy Recipes
- Author’s note: It would probably take the rest of the day to figure out why there is formatting glitch on this page. I’d like it to be perfect, but if you’ll allow me one more tip–which I learned when my ex ran for Congress–it’s a good idea to drop the last 15% of perfection. I’ve noticed that letting go of perfection is a habit of highly successful, less-stressed individuals.
By susan fishman orlins The other day, I bike downtown to the Newseum to hear a panel discussion by New York Times columnists. I leave home early enough to swing through McPherson Square, D.C.’s Occupy Wall Street venue.
 Soul Power My immediate sense is a blast from the past, a hippie and flower child commune ambience.
 The Lending Library The Lending Library boasts titles like War and Peace and The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo.
 The Kitchen On a small stove, ground beef is sizzling, almost ready to go into the spaghetti sauce for tonight’s dinner.
 Needs Bengay and Tiger Balm comprise 20% of the Needs, suggesting that occupying Wall Street puts a strain on the muscles.
 The Massage So folks help one another relax.
 The Committees and Meeting Schedule I have been fantasizing about taking my tent and spending a night with this group. Were I in my twenties, I might have moved right in, drawn especially by the camaraderie and excuse to sleep under the stars.
The Committees and Meeting Schedule heighten my envy of this seemingly tight community that contrasts with my comfortable home in a boring, mown-lawn neighborhood.
I would join the Welcome, Comfort and Media committees rather than the Sanitation, Legal and Outreach Committees.
 The Art Table Why isn’t there an Arts or Culture Committee?
 Art Table Yield Signs made at the Art Table are everywhere.
 Music Appreciation There is nothing in the Music Appreciation area–it’s guitar, drums, girls in long skirts, abundance of hair–to suggest this is not 1971.
 The "Red Cross" This medic’s name is Kennedy. He seems to be a regular, but tells me people come to volunteer before they go to work. I ask about toilets. He replies that the protesters are at the mercy of nearby restaurant owners’ generosity.
 Harvard Law Professor Lawrence Lessig speaks Harvard Law Professor Lawrence Lessig encourages the crowd to “invite the grassroots in, take in the Tea Party members who do not have a job … those people who have the same recognition” of the fundamental unfairness . . . . (Quote courtesy of occupydc.org.)
 Media Circus The protest is a media magnet, even the media folks are media-worthy.
 View from the Newseum Roof After meandering through the Occupy Wall Street community, I go to the Newseum, Washington’s fabulous news museum, and listen to opinion pages journalists discuss the current political climate and the 2012 election.
Maybe panelist David Brooks is the one who remarks that the Occupy Wall Street movement is not very organized.
I wonder whether he has seen the list of Committees and the Schedule of Meetings at McPherson Square.
Where do you think the Occupy Wall Street movement is headed?
Related Announcement: Don’t miss my Top Ten Do-It-Yourself Halloween Costumes
 Poorman's Nation such as Poorman’s Nation costume in this photo I took last week at “Wall Street’s” Occupy Wall Street demostration in Zuccotti Park.
By susan fishman orlins 
TANGENTIALLY-RELATED ANNOUNCEMENT: See my Home Goes Strong article “Throw an Ugly Sweater Party, It’s all the Rage.”
Everyone has been inviting me to their Ugly Sweater Parties.
Everyone has been inviting me to his or her Ugly Sweater Party.
Even though “everyone” sounds like a truckload of folks, the singular “his or her” is grammatically correct. (Worried, I confirmed this with the grammar police.)
“Their” sounds more conversational. But if I use “their,” will you think I don’t know better? Is it better to write it right and sound awkward? I choose conversational, but I worry what you’ll think.
I wanted you to know I know how to write it right. Just sayin’. . .
Speakin’ of usage, I just looked up “just sayin’” because I was itchin’ to use it and wasn’t sure I was usin’ it right. Still not sure.
From Urban Dictionary (If not interested skip down to “BTW“):
JUST SAYIN’
1. a phrase used to diffuse any ill feelings caused by a preceded remark.
2. a term coined to be used at the end of something insulting or offensive to take the heat off you when you say it.
3. This term is used after you inject your statement/opinion into a conversation. Generally, this statement/opinion is non-factual, so by saying “just sayin’”, you are clarifying that this statement/opinion is unprovable and it is just a thought off the top of your head.
 BTW, no one has invited me to their Ugly Sweater Party. Just sayin’ . . .
I hope everyone will weigh in with their comments!
By susan fishman orlins Unrelated announcement: A MAGICAL USED COOKBOOK SHOP & A DIVINE COOKIE RECIPE
I’m addicted to worry. Not long ago, I wrote a Huffington Post post, Worry Less: 10 Lessons From Cognitive Therapy, in which I advised, “Be aware that rumination and obsession are like drugs, in a bad way. They activate the pleasure center of the brain, so the more you obsess, the more you are drawn to obsess. It’s an addiction. If you think about it that way, it can help you realize what’s happening and put the brakes on some of that worry.”
So each time my mind flashes on one of my favorite things to worry about, I’m feeding the addiction and it makes me want more.
Who knew it was such a pleasure to worry?
How do you measure up in the addicted to worry category?
By susan fishman orlins
It all began with a tweet from MaMoosie, even though it originally began 50 years ago with a French kiss lesson.
During one of my maladaptive, obsessive, neurotic checkings of Twitter messages, I see this retweet from one of my followers “MaMoosie” who knows I’m a writer: “’Writing is easy. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein.’ RED SMITH.”
I like this quote and I check out the one who originally tweeted it. It turns out he tweets these writers’ quotes all day long. I click to follow him so I can read more tweets, like “’The beautiful part of writing is that u don’t have to get it right the first time unlike, say, brain surgery.’ R.Cormier”
Then I look at his Twitter profile (All I know at this point is his Twitter name, AdviceToWriters). He has more than 35,000 followers, including Dick Cavett, witty Sixties talk show host, presently a writer.
Seeing the staggering 35,000+ number of followers shoots an adrenaline spike through a blogger like me who takes pride in her 88 followers. A thought bubble inflates overhead, If only I could get him to tweet about my blog, imagine how many new visitors would drop in on Confessions of a Worrywart, maybe even Dick Cavett . . .
I read his actual name. Oh My Lady Gaga! He’s Jon Winokur, Jonnie Winokur Junior High! I go to Amazon and see he’s written dozens of books from Ennui to Go: The Art of Boredom to The Portable Curmudgeon.
 Jonnie lived two doors away from George, my first boyfriend. George and I were the power couple in ninth grade when Jonnie was in seventh. But it was fun to pal around with Jonnie despite the age difference.
All these years later, I email Jonnie and he writes back. I sign Sue and explain, “I might forget and sometimes sign Susan, the name I’ve used ever since I reinvented myself in college.”
He emails back, addressing me as Sue/Susan and signs off as Jon/Jonnie, and when he next writes, he uses S/S and J/J. This is just the kind of thing that will stump me for minutes when I email him again and try to decide what names to use.
He says he remembers me as happy-go-lucky; I respond that’s true, but I’ve always been wired to worry.
I also tell him I’m thinking of doing a post about my writing life to see if I can merit a tweet to his 35,000+ followers. He says he’d be delighted to retweet something I compose on the subject of writing and encourages me also to write about George.
Jon/Jonnie offers to send me a copy of his Encyclopedia Neurotica, perhaps perceiving a bit of neurotica in me.
Meanwhile, I write J/J to ask if I’m only imaging that I taught him to French kiss, “egged on I’m sure by George,” I add.
 J sets the record straight, “I vaguely remember something about a French kissing lesson, but I’m hazy on the
details. (There have been so many.) Wait, it’s coming back to me now: As I recall the lesson consisted of too much theory and too little practice.”
I’m worried I’ve not come up with insights beyond the banal: Wowee digital connectivity! Nonetheless, I am now going to alert Jonnie to this very post and also call his attention to to my first blog post ever, “To Blog or Not to Blog,” which indeed is about writing.
To find out what happens if Jonnie tweets one of my links, check out my Twitter page and look for a number at the top that is higher than 88.
Have you turned up any blasts from the past on Twitter or elsewhere online?
Unrelated announcement: Have you taken my Organizing Challenge? Soon I’ll be writing about my own organizing success on Home Goes Strong.
By susan fishman orlins 
Unlike me, my friend Eleanor never worries about the dark or anything else; she’s more evolved than I am. All my fears and worries I blame on my inner cavewoman, who is constantly on the lookout for danger.
Fear of darkness (myctophobia) made sense 200,000 years before Thomas Edison came on the scene. But that line of reasoning fails when I appeal to my Ice Age alter ego. If only I could to go to sleep at nightfall, I’d experience less darkness during my waking hours. But Cavewoman has to have her way, staying awake with her vigilant eye at times till the moon begins to fade.
I also acquired a touch of the ADD from my hunter and gatherer forebears, which was helpful for detecting predators back in the day. But now, it rustles up a lot of trouble, like inability to finish a sentence without veering off on a tangent. When Eleanor and I have coffee she is always saying “And so . . . And so . . . And so . . . ” Everyone seems to want me to get to the point.
My risk of going public with my fear of the dark is that if terrorists ever capture me and get hold of this information, they could use it to their advantage.
What fears can you trace back to your inner caveperson?
Unrelated announcement: Take my Organizing Challenge, see my new post on Home Goes Strong, 17 Tips for Getting Organized.
By susan fishman orlins I worry about appearing frivolous or insensitive to my blog readers, especially those with real problems. A friend, whose daughter has cystic fibrosis, once told me, “When they find a cure for CF, I’ll worry about world peace.” Another friend calls the things I worry about “white girl worries.”
Seven years ago a 200-year-old poplar tree fell on my house, causing damage that took a year to repair. I said to my psychotherapist, “How can I complain, given that we’re safe, while our family friends just lost their son in a car crash?” He responded with the shrink party line, “You’re entitled to your worries.” Entitled? Perhaps. But who can deny that there is a hierarchy of worry-worthiness?
I can’t recall a time that I did not think like a worrywart. As Queen Isabella in the third grade play, the only way I could keep from giggling was to picture my mother dead, something I worried about a lot (she’s now 91). So when I attended a lecture by positive psychologist and author of Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar, otherwise known as the Harvard Happiness Professor, I asked whether people like me are wired to worry. “Yes,” he answered, with no hint of optimism that my brain can be rewired.
Which brings me back to my blog. During my plump years of young motherhood, I wrote a diet tips article (never published) and in the process lost 12 pounds. Now, by examining the imagined fearsome scenarios that pop into my head, maybe I can shed some worry weight, as well as provide commiseration for fellow worrywarts. Others who read my posts may be inspired to give thanks for being non-worrywarts.
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