Stay-at-Home Mom Kerfuffle


With the kerfuffle about Ann Romney having been a stay-at-home mom, I thought I would chime in about stay-at-home moms.

There is no question that it is a luxury to have even had the choice. When my first daughter was born, I was a stockbroker for Morgan Stanley, making more money than my lawyer husband. I began working at home for a few months, keeping my options open, even as I felt in my gut that I just wanted to stay home with my baby.

My husband thought I should continue working. It wasn’t about the money and—funny-peculiar enough—I don’t recall discussing with him why he thought I should continue working.

Was it because my having a big job elevated him in other people’s eyes? That’s what happened with a boyfriend I had after divorcing that husband. Boyfriend Daniel took me to meet his elderly uncle, with whom he was very close.

“What should I say you do?” Mr. Daniel Wrong asked me.

Really? I was doing what I do now, writing, but at that time my free-lance articles appeared sporadically in print, unlike now, when they appear on the Internet three days a week (on my blog and on Home Goes Strong).

He was embarrassed that I did not have a more impressive label than free-lance-writer-who-publishes-occasionally.

Back to stay-at-home Sue. Half-heartedly, I pondered the question of going back to the office. The stay-home deal got sealed one day when I received a visit from a friend, Rita.

“You can always go back to work if you want after your kids start school,” said Rita. “But you will never get these early years back again.”

Of course I’m worried that someone will read that and feel bad, someone who doesn’t have the choice I had. Rita’s words were obvious, but hearing them from her made my choice clear.

That said, plenty of people who did have the choice were happier working than sorting socks and playing Happy Happy Hippo all day.

I stayed home for myself, not for my kids, though in later years they said they were glad I had been there. I know adults who feel the same way about the nannies who raised them.

The best reason I could think of to go back to work was for cocktail parties. When asked what I did, I would be able to respond with something other than the conversation stopper, “I’m a mom.”

Just like, in my opinion, the best thing about going to a name-brand college or university is that, for the rest of your life, when people ask, you get to say “I went to Name Brand.” It’s a short cut way of saying “I’m smart.” You don’t have to work at letting people know.

Similarly, a stay-at-home mom is assumed [fill-in-the-blank] till proven interesting.

I’d love you to share your thoughts and experiences.

LOTS ABOUT MARRIAGE, RELATIONSHIPS AND MORE IN MY NEW MEMOIR . . .

Confessions of a Worrywart: Husbands, Lovers, Mothers, and Others                                                  Check it out on Amazon.com, Kindle, and Smashwords

LOTS ABOUT MARRIAGE, RELATIONSHIPS AND MORE IN MY NEW MEMOIR . . .
Confessions of a Worrywart: Husbands, Lovers, Mothers, and Others                                                  Check it out on Amazon.com, Kindle, and Smashwords

Check out some of my Life Goes Strong articles:

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>